|
Some women like flirting at work, bantering with "the boys." The atmosphere where you work may have a playful sexiness--an atmosphere you enjoy. At first, you might be flattered by sexual attention from a boss or co-worker. If you admire him or are impressed by his high status, his attention may seem immensely flattering. But when the pressure continues even after you reject the advances, you may become fearful and anxious. A graduate student says:
| I would say half the women I know are like me, ideal victims of sexual harassment....We've been told all our lives that male attention is flattering. Nobody ever talked about how humiliating and coercive it can be at times. |
Like some women, however, you may decide two can play this game and you may consciously use sex as a strategy to get ahead. You may have found that sexual attractiveness has previously gotten you what you wanted: a marriage, relationships with men outside of work or better working conditions. You may know that in the real world the "casting couch" is not just a figure of speech. Even though these "rules" are not written down anywhere, many women understand and follow them. It takes courage to resist. A filmmaker recalls her responses to a director who suggested a weekend together to "talk about the film":
| [To his invitation], I said, I don't know. I don't know. But inside my head was 'I want that job'....I really was considering it. I didn't want to sleep with him, but he was holding it over my head and I was willing right then to sleep with him in order to get the job. I finally came to my senses. He called me back and I said, 'No, I just can't do it.' Of course that was the end of the job. |
Like many women, you may have learned to accept men's unwelcome sexual overtures in order to avoid hurting their feelings or triggering their anger. At work, you may follow that pattern and allow a man to control the interactions between you. You feel reluctant to challenge a man because of his power position but his behavior still makes you uneasy. You may see a whole range of sexualized actions as hostile rather than exciting, actions that spoil your work environment.
You Don't Have to Take It!
A Woman's Guide to Confronting Emotional Abuse at Work
pages 45-46
You can control more aspects of your life--including your thoughts and feelings--than you may believe possible. You needn't even learn to "think positively." You can make significant life changes simply by thinking accurately, by putting an end to negative exaggerations and devastating self-criticisms. When you speak truthfully to yourself, you minimize the impact of other people's vilification. When you remove your load of self-criticism, you expand your available energy. Increased vitality opens you to new opportunities, which, combined with rational self-evaluations, set the stage to challenge abuse...
For some women, changing an established pattern of thought requires courage. When you modify long-standing ideas about the world, you risk delving into the unknown. Anxiety about giving up the comfort of familiar habits can stall well-laid plans for improving your life. Change also requires self-discipline. Each person maintains a threshold of fear and obstinate attachments to the pain and stress that feels familiar. People vary in their abilities to follow through on action plans. Some can envision more easily than others the satisfactions possible from new ways of coping. In addition, each person differs in her degree of energy and perseverance in learning new skills.You Don't Have to Take It!
A Woman's Guide to Confronting Emotional Abuse at Work
page 118
A short, assertive statement that directly follows an offensive act can make a dramatic impact. The immediacy of your reaction offers little opportunity for denial, contradiction of facts or other mental gymnastics that occur when objections come long after offensive behavior takes place. In addition, if you later decide to report what happened, someone in a position of power will probably ask if you objected to the behavior at the time. A few authorities have begun to understand that women--and men too--typically resist objecting to mistreatment on the spot. But many people in power still believe if you didn't protest at the time, then nothing happened. Or what happened didn't matter. If you speak up immediately and record what was done to you, including your response, you increase the odds that a judge, human rights officer or lawyer will take you seriously.You Don't Have to Take It!
A Woman's Guide to Confronting Emotional Abuse at Work
pages 254
[from the softbound edition]
|
|
